A New Chapter

It's true, I have been a blogger slacker. It has been a blissful summer, filled with family, friends, events, travels and excursions that have given us some of the fondest memories.

Today, we are embarking on a new chapter in our lives, Kindergarten. Bella meets her teacher and classmates tonight. While I am filled with joy for her, I am also feeling a little sad for me. I don't know why, since she was in Pre-K last year, 4 days a week. This is State regulated program, where tardiness matters, if you are absent, it matters, if you wear a tank top, it matters, what kind of lunch box you carry matters.....

I like Bella's teachers Biography, she is a veteran teacher of 23 years, she is very academically driven and she believes that Kindergarten sets the tone for many years of school and life. I even like her name, it happens to be my family name, so that MUST be a good sign, right?

Even so, I don't know what it is, maybe the "letting go" part of me that isn't ready. Perhaps it is because Bella is my first baby and this is a monumental step in her life. It could also be that "life", in our own little comfortable corner, is about to open up to a whole new realm. A new facet that I am shying away from. Which is strange for me, since I love adventure and newness.

As I sit here typing these words, comfortable in my pj's, in my own little speck of the world, sipping my coffee and hearing the sounds of my 2 precious girls eating their fruit, I realize that this is easy and routine....and now, opening a new chapter means we have to adjust, adapt and change. Something I am used to and thought I could face with confidence and a big smile. Only this time, I think I will be the Mom facing it with big tears in my heart. I might hold on to her a little too long, hugging her tightly in the parking lot on her first day. Secretly, not wanting to ever let go, but I must.

My baby girl is growing up and she will walk away, with her backpack on, her friends beside her, without looking back to wave goodbye to MOM. I am not ready, even though she is.

So, forgive me for a few days if my posts are sappy. I am trying to prepare myself as we turn the page in our book and embark on a brand new chapter of our lives.