Date Night!

Tim had to take me to the ER at 4 AM. I thought it would be a nice way to spend some quality time alone with my husband. We could hold hands, look into each other's eyes, he could hold the bed pan so I could throw up in it....

We got free entertainment...Patch Adams was the only ER doc on duty. I had laryngitis for like 5 days and when Patch asked me a question, I lovingly looked at my date to answer for me...Doc says "what is wrong with your voice?"
Oh what fun it would have been to honk his big red nose, then say, "nothing, just don't feel like talking to a clown"

He told me I had a double middle and inner ear infection (isn't that the same location? and what is that, an infection on top of another infection?) AND there is fluid behind my eardrum and in the middle ear. GREAT! Now, I am deaf and mute!
"Are you allergic to anything?" he says...."YES, Penicillin and Sulfur drugs", I squeak out....(it is on my chart in BIG RED LETTERS...the admissions lady wasn't just pokin' fun, all righty there clown feet)
He gave me some vicodine, handed me a prescription for antibiotics, pain meds and a decongestant. About 10 minutes later, I had to get crackers, now my head is pounding, by body is still shaking uncontrollably from the pain and suddenly, I am INSANELY nauseated. Much like many of the dates I went on in my single days....ha!

So, the pharmacy calls, "Mrs. ....", yes, "have you taken Ceftin before?", no...I never EVER, never take antibiotics..."Um Mrs..., you are allergic to penicillin, right?", yes I am, "Well, I cannot give this antibiotic to you since it is a derivative of penicillin"....."Call Patch and have him give you another scrip"

So, in my most boastful squeaky voice, I called the ER to rip Patch down to his goofy red nose...but, "maam, he is out of town for the next week and a half" said the cranky pants nurse, "not much we can do". After much squealing and squeaking and squawking, (probably just a bunch of weird noises on her end of the line), that troll agrees to call in something else. Erythromycin.....

Now, I am itchy all over and my ear, 5 days later, not even a smidgen better. Even my kids are making fun of me..."WHAT, I can't hear you, WHAT????"

So, honey, I love you...but next time, take me to see a real doc, one that is just like Jack on Lost, ok? Either that, or double the vicodine and tell me you did anyhow!